New Beginnings (x3)

5/8/2017 

2:00 am 

Restarting for the 3rd fucking time this year. I'm so tired of moving my shit back and forth, I don't even have an attachment to most of it at this point. EXCEPT FOR MY PINK COUCH. Long live the pink couch. Okay, so I'm like moving into my grandparents house again, this is my cycle. I live here for a few months, or even a few years, move out on my own, and then have a complete meltdown and have to move back in. Except this time I'm totally fucking over my totally nice roommates and I feel like a giganto cunt, but what can you do when your brain is fucked up and is telling you to walk in front of every bus you see? Gotta get all the help you can or you'll end up handcuffed to a holding cell wall after randomly quitting your shitty Starbucks job and threatening to kill yourself... Sorry grandma! 

Anyways, I'm fucking nuts. This week my mom told me she sides with my abuser (also her abuser... Psychology is fun!) and so I grabbed a baseball bat and told her to get out of mi casa. Moms will break your heart. C'est la vie!  

Last week I fell madly in love on a first date with a boy who took me to a record store, taught me how to play pinball, licked my asshole, and made me avocado toast (That shit is gross btw). The boy licked my asshole and then told me he wanted to just be friends (aka never speak again). Straight boys don't make sense AND THEY NEVER WILL. Apparently he has swamp ass so spread the news! Also, why are feminist men the fucking worst? Like cool, you're feminist, that is LITERALLY like scraping the barrel of what I look for in a guy. LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE A MEDAL FOR THINKING I DESERVE HUMAN RIGHTS, what else do you have to offer? But at the same time... what do I have to offer? Depression and a whole lot of jealousy (I swear I'm working on it but it's haaaaaaaard). Also I finally have my appetite back after 2 weeks of being sick, I've eaten a whole bag of beef jerky today. Also (pt 2) I'm sick again so what is life? 

I need to get a new fucking cat. My cat has been held hostage by my mother, but she seems happy (the cat) and she has a friend so I'm not sure if it's a good idea to uproot her from her home. She is safe and comfy and last time I tried to take her home she was not having any of zat, so maybe it's time to let her go??? Also a new kitty?????????????????? Yes. I'll have to start brainstorming names for her... or him.... HER. Something drag queenie?????? Something weird? YASSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 

Okay I have to wake up in 5 hours and do adult stuff with granny so I'll talk to ya'll tomorrow. OKURRR? (Insert tongue pop here). 

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.